johnlempka AT gmail DOT com
I FaceTimed with my dad tonight on his new iPad, cos he wanted to learn how, and I was coughing a lot and he said it was all the bong hits and then he laughed a lot and said that he used to cough like that back when he was young. I wanted to say, WTF I bought you that iPad for Christmas, you know I don’t sit around getting high all day.
But I was coughing too much.
Hipster dudes don’t wear skinny jeans anymore.
Thought about going through Dos and Don’ts to find out what they allegedly do wear but I really don’t hate myself that much. ↩
(Source: thefrisky.com, via bestrooftalkever)
Guys with Fries might be the best thing ever on the internet.
“… — and I mean this seriously — …”
Whenever I tell people that consuming some quantity of late-in-the-day caffeine would risk a relatively-high (25%+) chance of my having trouble sleeping that night, someone inevitably tries to get real with me about how “caffeine doesn’t affect them.” Do people do this to you? (A) I don’t care, at all (B) That doesn’t at all make you “real” (C) Then why do you fucking drink it? I would not put coffee anywhere near my body if not for the addiction; what’s your excuse?
Anyway, I can’t sleep. (2 Excedrin, 5pm, crick in my neck.)
Prince Fielder decided to become a vegetarian after reading the book Skinny Bitch.
I do want to point out that the Bullshit Klosterman Tune-Yards piece commits the most popular crime of hack music writing from the last year: “How could anyone possibly like Tune-Yards if I simultaneously do not? They must be pretending to like it because x, y, z entirely made-up extraneous factors.”
A victim complex and at the same time a completely unwarranted superiority complex. Also, bad posture.More at the link, and to all of it: Yes. YES.
100 times this.
I know that I can be an asshole about taking pictures of the various cats in my life, but the fundamental difference between getting down on your knees to take a photo of a feline and having your DSLR lens pointed 3 inches from your child’s face for an entire subway ride is that a cat does not understand the social implications of the photographic act. A cat is not going to become a bratty prick because you photographed it too much. Whereas your kid completely knows that his or her status as photo object is both entitling and disentitling, and will be ruined accordingly.
Keeping it real.
YOU’RE SORRY I’M UPSET? YOU’RE SORRY I’M UPSET? HERE’S A CRAZY THOUGHT: WHY DON’T YOU TRY BEING SORRY THAT YOU’RE AN INSENSITIVE SHITHEAD WHO DOESN’T THINK BEFORE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH? WHY DON’T YOU TRY BEING SORRY YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE TACTFUL, OR TENDER, EVER? HOW ABOUT YOU JUST APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A COMPLETE DICK 85% OF THE TIME, TO EVERYONE, BECAUSE YOU’RE AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED MAN-CHILD CAREENING THROUGH LIFE LIKE A PSYCHIC WRECKING BALL, SOMEHOW DELUDED INTO THINKING YOUR BULLSHIT IS ‘CHARMING’ OR ‘FUNNY’? THOSE ARE A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY BEING SORRY ABOUT BEFORE YOU APOLOGIZE FOR MY COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED REACTIONS TO YOUR BEHAVIOR, ASSHOLE.
JUST GO AWAY BEFORE I ‘OVERREACT’ TO WHATEVER GARBAGE IS ABOUT TO COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
LOLSOB
“Put It on Me”
Ja Rule ft Vita
2000
Best Of (2012)
The original mix of Ja Rule’s “Put It on Me,” sans Lil Mo, is so much better, at least with 2012 in relief, than its more popular remix, which is probably why it appears on Ja Rule’s recently-released Best Of instead.1 I find Lil Mo’s vocal track pretty affectless, especially over the intro; without it, we’re really are allowed to feel the groove of the beautiful, crisp early-00s beat, with the added benefit that, without Lil Mo’s trained, female backup, Ja Rule’s singing voice — always rough but surprisingly effective — is given the space to be heard. It really capitalizes: I wish Ja Rule would release an entire album of just him singing, no lie. Vita’s verse is really fierce, too: in 2012, we expect rappers to sing their own hooks, but it’s still a little shocking how much harder the Vita verse hits than any of Ja’s, on his own track. It’s all just really good stuff, the entire Best Of — especially good as companion listening to any The Weeknd or Drake that 2012 might necessitate — and I can’t stop listening to it.
I mean, actually, it’s probably a rights issue, but still. ↩
- People who microwave popcorn.
- People who microwave curry.
People who leave banana peels in trash bins near other people’s desks.
